Chapter XV
This book, "YOUTH'S EDUCATOR FOR HOME AND SOCIETY," published circa 1896 is designed as a manual of correct deportment, not only for young people just entering society, but for the many older ones who have so often felt the want of proper information upon this subject. The writer, L.W. Walter's aim was to make it simple, practical and reliable, omitting the technique of etiquette and confining ourselves to the forms and usage's of true gentlemen and ladies. Read on - I am sure you will find this quite interesting... and possibly wish this was still in effect today!

GENTLEMEN'S CALLS.
There are certain fixed rules laid down by society which apply to a gentleman in a small place with the same force as in a large city.

Cowper says:
"Man in society is like a flower
Blown in its native bed. 'Tis there alone
His faculties expanded in full bloom
Shine out – there only reach their proper use."

AN AID TO A GENTLEMAN.
Not every man can tell whether he is at fault on small points of etiquette, and therefore such will be grateful to those who settle these matters for them. A gentleman feels different in regard to the code of calling, lest he trespass upon some established rule which he should have known, and which will be a guide for his conduct.

CALLING ON A LADY.
A gentleman cannot consider himself privileged to call upon a lady upon the strength of an introduction alone. He may desire very much to do so, but waits to be invited. If the invitation does not come, and he is anxious to prosecute the acquaintance, he may leave his card at her residence. If he is acceptable, the young lady's mother will send him an invitation to visit the family, or ask his presence at some entertainment to be given at their home. After that, it is plain sailing, and the gentleman can feel that he has a right to call occasionally.

If his card receives no acknowledgment, he may conclude that for some reasons best known to themselves, they do not wish to extend their acquaintance. And in this case, he must wait when next they meet in public, for a recognition at their hands, as would any stranger.

DO NOT ACCEPT CARELESS INVITATIONS.
If a lady carelessly invites a gentleman to call, without specifying the particular time, he may deem it no invitation at all, as she is more than likely to be out or engaged, should he avail himself of such an off-hand permission, But if she states the time when he may call he should be prompt in keeping his engagement. If anything prevents his coming he should dispatch a messenger with a note explaining his absence. Carelessness of this sort has checked many a friendship.

THE FIRST CALL.
On making a first call he must have a card for each lady of the household. When there are several sisters in a family, and the mother is living, two cards will answer – one for the mother, and one for the daughters.

The cards which a gentleman uses often are indications of his character. They are to be as simple as possible. The following will serve as a model, and is to be either written or engraved – preferably the latter, as all gentlemen do not write a legible hand:

The prefix "Mr." should not be used, if the card is written by its owner, but in an engraved one, it is adopted. The card must be of the finest texture, and lusterless.

HOUR FOR CALLING.
A gentleman whose time is his own can call between 2 and 5 P.M. But as business engrosses nearly all our gentlemen, from 8 to half-past 8 in the evening is the proper time to make a social call. If he calls before that hour he may interfere with some previous engagement she may have, and will surely displease his hostess by his eagerness.

A FORMAL CALL.
Informal calls a gentleman asks to see all the ladies of the family. If he calls upon a young lady who is visiting people whom he has never met, he should send in a card for the hostess at the same time that he sends in one for the young lady. The lady of the house should enter the room before his departure, to give him the assurance that any friend of her guest is welcome, to her house.

ASK FOR SOME MEMBER OF THE FAMILY.
A gentleman should in all cases inquire for the mother or chaperon of any young lady whom he calls on, and if she appears he should address his conversation to her principally. But if she makes a practice of entering the parlor and remains there during his entire call, no matter how often he comes, he should conceal his annoyance under a well-bred manner. But the wisest way would be to take the hint thus afforded, and act upon it.

CUSTOM ABROAD.
In Europe the constant presence of an elder lady during a gentleman's visits would be deemed only a necessary observance of etiquette, but the customs of our land are totally different.

All invitations sent to a gentleman of any sort are promptly accepted or declined.

CALLING ONCE A YEAR.
A gentleman never should neglect to make a yearly call, when friends have returned from a summer vacation. If he does not attend to this duty, he need not feel hurt if he is left out of the invitations for the entertainment's of his lady friends the coming season.

A gentleman can make an informal call on intimate friends at any hour which does not encroach upon their convenience. Don't go so often, however, that they enjoy your absence.

NEW YEAR'S CALLS.
These calls are observed with varying degrees of ardor. One year they are general, the next we hear that they are not observed. But when they are not made the pretext for forcing oneself upon people who are almost strangers, it seems a most delightful custom. There is necessarily, more latitude permitted in calling on that day, but still it is a good old custom.

CALL ONLY WHERE WELCOME.
The gentleman who calls on the first day of the New Year confines his calls to those houses where he is sure of a welcome, and to those. ladies who are acquaintances of the ladies of his own family. He may also venture to accept an invitation given him by another gentleman.

MAKE YOUR CALL BRIEF.
A call on this day should be limited to ten or fifteen minutes, for the hostess presumably has an extensive list of friends to entertain, and cannot devote much time to any particular ones.

If she does not recognize a stranger who is introduced to her at such a time, when meeting him again, he must not feel aggrieved.

GENTLEMEN'S TOILET.
The dress of a gentleman making New Year's calls should be a morning costume of dark coat, vest and tie, and dark or light pants. Dress suits are for evening calls. His gloves should be of a sober tint.

DECLINING OFFERED REFRESHMENTS.
He has a right to decline refreshments. He should never accept wine or spirituous liquors, however hospitably they may be pressed upon him. He cannot afford to risk his reputation as a gentleman by, using liquors promiscuously at every house at which he calls, knowing that the result would be intoxication.

TAKING A FRIEND WITH HIM.
A gentleman should never take the liberty to invite another gentleman to call on a lady (save on New Year's Day) without first asking her permission. In making a ceremonious call, the hat and cane are retained in the hand, but an umbrella is left in the hall. If you chance to call when a lady is just going out, make your stay brief, and say that you will call on another time.

CARRYING CARD-CASES.
Card cases are used only by ladies. Gentlemen carry their cards loose in their pockets, or in those leather memorandum books now so popular.

EVENING CALLS.
An evening call should not be too long. Three hours can scarcely be dubbed a call – it is rather more of a visit. Two hours is sufficient; and an hour will answer in most, cases, and will be more likely to leave an agreeable impression behind them.

LEAVE - TAKING.
A long-drawn-out leave-taking is tiresome and impolite to the hostess, as she must stand after he has risen to go, until he has left the room. If there are several ladies in the room, he should bow most decidedly to the lady of the house, and make a less formal inclination to the other members of the party.

DO NOT CALL AT LUNCH HOUR.
A gentleman should carefully avoid calling during the lunch or dinner hour, even upon friends, without he has been told to call at those hours, on any day. It is often said, "We dine (or lunch) at such an hour – come and see us and you will find us at home." If you call at that hour, and find a lady at lunch, send in. word that you will wait till she is through with the meal. If she comes out and invites you to the table, either go in or take your leave at once. But don't keep her away from lunch by remaining to pay a visit, and compel her to go without her meal. It is often done from want of thought.

LOOKING AT THE WATCH.
A gentleman should not look at his watch, while making a call, unless he has to catch a train, or has another engagement. In that event, he should apologize. Gentlemen may call on married ladies with the knowledge of their husbands.

GENTLEMEN CALLING.
When calling on another gentleman at a hotel send up your card, and wait for an invitation to the room. Announce yourself by a rap on the door, and do not burst in upon your friend without warning. The most intimate friendship does not warrant this freedom. If it is a lady on whom you call, send up your carry, and wait her appearance in the reception room.

In calling you should not wait for an invitation to be seated, but take the most convenient seat within range of the ladies on whom you call.

CALLING ON THE SICK.
In calling upon a sick friend, send in your card, and wait until you hear how the invalid is. In leaving a card when you call, turn down one corner of the visiting card, to signify that you called in person.

ENGAGED.
If you are met at the door of a friend's house with the statement that they are "engaged," or "not at home," which too often means the same thing, do not urge to be admitted, even though the family were among your dearest friends. You have no right to an exception in your favor, if they do not care to receive you on that day.

DOGS SHOULD BE LEFT AT HOME.
Do not take your pet dog with you when making a call. It is not to be expected that your hostess would extend her hospitality to dumb animals which perhaps she does not like. Dogs have no place in a parlor.

If ladies accompany a gentleman when he is calling, they should precede him both on entering and leaving the room.

Do not suggest to a lady that the room is chilly or draw too close to the fire when making a call, unless it is a very cold day, and she invites you to do so.

DO NOT QUESTION CHILDREN OR SERVANTS.
If you are left alone for a moment, and a child or servant comes into the room, do not presume upon good-breeding to ask them any questions about the family. A man who would do this should be debarred from the hospitality of any home.

LEAVE THE CARD-BASKET UNTOUCHED.
Do, not examine the cards in the card-basket. You have no right to investigate as to who calls on a lady.

It is usual to wear the morning dress in calling – a dark suit, with gloves of a dark shade. Light-colored suits are permissible in warm weather. Overshoes, if at all soiled must be removed in the hall.

Be cool and self-possessed. Listen rather more than talk. There is a happy medium between talking too much and talking too little, and the man who finds it is a fortunate being.

A FIFTEEN-MINUTE CALL.
A formal call should not exceed fifteen minutes, and when that time has expired, rise and depart gracefully.

If on making a call where all are strangers, at once announce your name, and upon whom you have called.

If you call on a lady and find her absent, and she expresses her regret at the occurrence when next you meet, reciprocate her regret, and do not carelessly remark that it made no difference.

THROW AWAY YOUR CIGAR.
If you have been smoking on your way to make a call, throw away your cigar before you ring the bell. It is not very polite, however, to call on a lady with your clothes permeated with tobacco smoke.

A married gentleman should always speak of his wife as "Mrs." never as "my wife."

GENTLEMEN RECEIVING CALLS ON NEW YEAR S DAY.
On the first New Year's day after his marriage a gentleman receives calls at his own home, in company with his wife. He does not make any calls on that day.

Clergymen do not make calls upon New Year's Day, but receive friends at their own residence,

CALLING ON BUSINESS MEN.
In calling on a business man, remember that to him time is valuable, and do not take up any more of .it than is absolutely necessary. The same rule should be observed in calling upon ladies who are engaged in business. Use as little of their time as possible.

CALLS OF CONDOLENCE.
A call of condolence should be made within ten days, if you are on an intimate footing with the bereaved ones. If you are not, at least a month should elapse. When you are admitted, do not allude to the sad event, unless those you call on, seem anxious that you should. A silent pressure of the hand, a tender and delicate deference of manner will speak far more effectively than words which are too apt to tear open the wound. It is in good taste to send a few flowers, or a book, or a simple message, to the aching hearts, such as "I send you deepest sympathy," "My love, dear friend," or "God be with you." These will reach down deep into the hearts of the mourning friends and bring them a grateful consciousness that you remember them in their affliction.

A CONGRATULATORY CALL.
When a friend has distinguished herself by some special act, or has written some especially fine article, or has been called to some position of trust, it is only a pleasant duty to call on her and delicately offer your congratulations. We all like to be appreciated, and when we have done anything worthily, it is not pleasant to have our effort ignored.

Should several guests arrive during a gentleman's call, it is a nice time to avail himself of the opportunity and pay his respects to his hostess and leave. He can do this less awkwardly than if he waits until they also, depart.

A NEWLY MARRIED MAN'S LIST OF FRIENDS.
When a wedding has been limited to a few relatives, or has been strictly private, the bridegroom should send his card to those of his gentlemen friends whom he wishes to introduce to his new home. The recipients of such cards should call upon the bride within two weeks.

"After one has been invited to a dinner party, one must call within a week after the occasion,– call in person, and ask if the hostess is at home. A dinner party is one of the most solemn obligations of society; if you accept an invitation to one, only death or mortal illness is a legitimate excuse for not attending it, and you must have nearly as good a reason for not calling promptly after it."

The gentleman who moves in society will readily see the fitness of these simple rules and profit by the hints they convey. Calling is the surest way to maintain agreeable acquaintances, and foster those friendships which brighten life.

That's it - the entire chapter. If you've come this far - you were definitely interested!